Speaker 1: 0:02

Hey, I'm the big man. This is the largest fashion show on the podcast. Say I'm the biggest.

Speaker 2: 0:18

What's up, y'all? It's your girl.

Speaker 1: 0:19

DJ Pornbill Ross representing Isolations Expo. You know what Compton Port Array? You know you got to get it.

Speaker 3: 0:28

Look they won't. Yes, sir, All right. Yo, it's Keith from Buffalo. You know what I'm saying? Chillin' in the D.

Speaker 2: 0:40

Chillin' with the vibes and shit. You know it's going to be a movie, yeah, hey, and we're just going to be personal and write a bit right into it. So with what's going on and how you know, there's been a lot going on in the city and people feel a certain kind of ways about certain things. I just had a question for some of y'all what was it like introducing your first girlfriend to your family? That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1: 1:01

You know what, my first time introducing my lover to my family, my family is really like they're really open. You know what I mean. So it wasn't as hard, it wasn't like I didn't have any like tug or pull situation with that. You know, introduce my partner and they openly loved and loved and loved you know?

Speaker 3: 1:23

No, I was it was always tough my family's spiritual Christian, like. So it wasn't None of that. You know what I'm saying. It was tough. So I'm not going to say I hid, because I've always been me, but like just talking to my family about it. It was never that. But I'm old now. If you haven't seen it. You know what I'm saying. I mean, if y'all don't like now, I don't know what to tell you so did any?

Speaker 2: 1:47

either one of y'all's family members treat y'all a certain kind of way when they found out that y'all were actually y'all like the women, yeah, that they like put you, put you like on a back burner or make you feel some type of way to the point where you just like I don't even want to be around you because this is me, and if you can't accept me, like doing what the fuck like whatever it finds.

Speaker 1: 2:07

I feel like for me it wasn't always like to my face. There's always little telephone conversations going on around the family. You know what I mean. So I don't know, man. No, but yes, did it hurt? Did it hurt when I was younger? Yes, for sure. Now that I'm older, I don't care. You, you know what I mean. You guys got to deal with what y'all got to deal with because my family is a head-yellin' Christian. You know what I mean. But in my opinion and I'm not trying to bash my family Y'all have to listen to the news. In my opinion, you can't constantly throw the Bible and not follow suit. You know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 2:46

In my opinion, you can't constantly throw the Bible and not follow suit with it. You know what I mean. No one greater than the next. I really became a loner after the fact. You know what I'm saying. It was just me and whoever I was dating at the time really, like I said, like you said, high-heeled Christianity or whatever I never had to be like yo, I'm gay. You know what I'm saying. Like like I said, you can look at me until. I've been like this my whole entire life. I've never been into dudes, like nothing like that. So when it all came out, it was, it was tough. You know what I'm saying. But, like I said, you let it go. After a while I just isolated myself. It was me and I was cool with that. You know what I'm saying. Y'all, eventually, if not, you can answer to the man at the end of the day, just like I got to stand to him and answer to him. Yeah, I can do the same. Judgment is the also a sin? So yeah.

Speaker 3: 3:29

And we all out here saying what's?

Speaker 1: 3:31

up. How was that on your relationship, though?

Speaker 3: 3:33

You know I didn't care, no, I'll be mine, like nobody I did. No, how did that?

Speaker 1: 3:37

make you feel mentally, though. You became a loner and you were in a relationship. I know that I mean. I only fucked with you sometimes when we got down, yes and no.

Speaker 3: 3:47

I mean because the women out there they made sure I was good. You know what I'm saying. Now it's different between the women you date and your family. You know what I'm saying. So it took a toll on me, on how I ain't for a long time. At the same time I'm in YMD. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So you know you can do shit. You live in your ver. It's just something To me. I guess, accepting it now because I was fucked up for a minute, it was just like yo, I ain't got nobody and it hurt Like I cried every day, just because the shit that I've been through is like yo. I just need somebody to talk to. People show their colors after a while. You know Fair.

Speaker 1: 4:27

Heavy on therapy too. You know, like I constantly say, therapy, therapy, therapy, and finding you or cultivating a group of people that you guys can lean on.

Speaker 1: 4:40

You know, so I always vouch for therapy. Talk to somebody, you know it's that emotional stress especially. You know, so I always vouch for therapy. Talk to somebody, you know it's that emotional stress especially. You know, not trying to say what your relationship is. If I can, like, put myself In that situation, really think about it, and it's just you and your partner and I can only imagine like the emotions that she was feeling too, also keeping you up, you know, keeping you above water. So that's always voucher for therapy, everybody go.

Speaker 2: 5:11

I feel like it's okay for males to feel like y'all need to, y'all should put y'allself in a man's place with certain things and really with you being a woman. Now they feel a certain type of way Like some males. They're like okay, well, say you get into it with a guy and they ready to beat your ass. Because in some of them they're like I don't care that's a female, I don't care how you portray yourself to me, you a woman. When you got some, they feel like well, you portraying yourself to be a motherfucking dude, so I'm going to beat your ass like one. And they treat you like a dude. Nope.

Speaker 3: 5:42

We better do this. Let's go to the next, don't you see? I'm here to be held in awe.

Speaker 1: 5:46

You find a bitch to do it for you. You know what I mean. Like how am I going to sit there and argue with no nigga, nor have I really had that energy on the outside. It's more internal, with the family in a sense. You know what I mean. I feel like older Black people have that misconception exactly what you said and y'all want to be. We want to be men. I love my breasts, I love my little person down there. I love everything about being a woman. You know there's nothing against wearing free-flowing clothing and something that makes me feel something that makes me feel good.

Speaker 1: 6:23

You know what I mean.

Speaker 3: 6:24

So yeah, I don't argue with them niggas, if you man enough to step to me, knowing that I'm, for real, still a female, you pussy hell. So I'm about to beat your bitch ass. Okay, so this can be a little controversial.

Speaker 1: 6:43

So what scenario? What is the scenario to have to be? It has to be for you to be in an argument with another male, with a male. Yeah, what is the?

Speaker 3: 6:52

setting For me just this in my personal space don't step on my face. I don't give a fuck Get out of my face. That's my personal space. Don't step on my face. I don't give a fuck Get out of my face. That's my personal space, man, and just me. In general, it take a lot to get me out of my zone, for me to get upset, to even want to put my hands on you see what I'm saying. But for you to constantly be in my face bitch, bitch, bitch I'll beat you up After a while. You're don't have to show up and show up. You see what I'm saying. And even with a dude, all men fall the same. I don't do a fuck. That's where I'm going. First, right, even a whole body got still toes on cause.

Speaker 1: 7:29

It's all come you know what my hands is up, though, cause I okay, if any of y'all watching this know who we know is black lesbians, I don't know, picking shoes. Your days ago I had to throw hands with white men. I'm not going to lie, so I lied a little bit. Oh, I forgot, I forget, but you know like I'm happy to edit it, but I'm happy on respecting women, respecting our bodies and staying in your motherfucking place. You know what I mean. And that white man, that occasion man, is staying in his motherfucking place. You know what I mean. So things like that.

Speaker 3: 8:13

yeah, all right, a little bit. Like I said, it take me a lot. Take a lot Just when it comes to anybody. I'm not confrontational unless I have to be.

Speaker 1: 8:23

If you can't feel nothing when you're strapping your woman down, you need to spend a little bit more on your rubber back you know what's crazy my sister told me when I was younger she was like what you been feeling?

Speaker 3: 8:34

I'm like, bro, ain't no fucking way. So I had to try it.

Speaker 1: 8:57

And I'm like, yeah, you know what, I gotta be really attracted and like something has to be drawn to. I have to be drawn to you spiritually for me to really like. You know, do you when? Good, and you know, yeah, just how you, how, that connection, for sure, that connection has to be there for me, freaking everybody. I'm going to catch hell from y'all because that's the show. I brought my little rubberneck in it that is.

Speaker 2: 9:22

I don't test the wrong thing. No, you know, I'm happy on the.

Speaker 1: 9:25

You know the testing. Go test Yo. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 9:29

My child is black. Yeah, cause the ones out here, especially when you find the club. They don't give a fuck about none of this. Everybody's for everybody, yeah.

Speaker 3: 9:38

Out here. Yeah, you act weird. Then they still fucking do it in school. If you're a lesbian, you're a lesbian. Like lesbian is a lesbian Women. Only that's what it's saying. And they got so many labels for everything. Where the fuck did all these labels come from? You was either gay bisexual.

Speaker 1: 9:58

All that shit started to matter to me. You know, as I was coming, you know what I'm going, so I was just like I was understanding. I think pronouns is a really new thing for me and like understanding, like my last situation, that my last they had a pronoun of they there, you know, and that was kind of hard for me because I was like you know, she know, she, she, she, she, what the fuck is a.

Speaker 3: 10:20

They them, it's just they them. Who the fuck is them?

Speaker 1: 10:23

I just try to respect whatever person because I want respect. Coming out as a lesbian black woman, won't you respect me? So if you have a pronouns of they, them, he, she, her, crap, ass, if that's what you want to be called.

Speaker 3: 10:38

I'm going to call you that, okay, so is they them one person? They them could be one person, probably, yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:46

So I have a question how do y'all feel about a woman? Say she's lesbian and she thinks she's lesbian. You meet her and then she has kids. Like do you feel like if she didn't do it the way that it's supposed to be done? But what is she? Kids before. I have kids. What is that? Yes, but then you meet her and she's like I love me. Then you end up talking to her. She's like I have kids, but that's after, in fact. So do you care about what happened before? If she changed, you know.

Speaker 3: 11:13

I love me, I love kids.

Speaker 2: 11:16

I love kids. Yeah, she said I got a baby daddy, but we not together. I'm gay now, like what you like? I don't know, bitch, that's mine. Yeah, okay, that's a trauma man. Why, the fuck, don't do that. Don't do that.

Speaker 3: 11:29

You ever said that Well, y'all, I'm asking, I'm asking, I'm just asking questions.

Speaker 2: 11:37

I'm just listening, I'm asking questions, but if you want outside, then want to know if there's people that I don't know.

Speaker 3: 11:44

You were in there. You were in there.

Speaker 2: 11:48

I don't know. I've been told I'm dominant but I act too manly. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like a woman shouldn't say that she's gay if she has kids. So I feel like a woman shouldn't say that she's gay if she has kids. So I feel like, even though, like I was saying earlier, if you have a 16-year-old but depending on what she said, what he do to you, what happened or whatever you decide, like getting hurt or this isn't it, and you feel like with the woman, it's, it's better. Like you, everything is there. So what they missing and fucking up on this thing, like when you were there, and that's, that's where it's at. So that's where I'm saying I'm going to sustain, that's what I really like.

Speaker 2: 12:32

But some people feel like, no, no, that's not what it is. If you've ever had a baby, or this isn't it. You gotta basically have no kids to be gay or to like women or be a lesbian. I think that's. Another question is, with you got, with you being how you are, have your parents, what? When did y'all have that talk like I want grandbabies. So you gotta do something different or something gotta happen, but I'm gonna grandbabies. I need some grandbabies. They may test you in this year of life. I'm trying to figure out how to virgin marry.

Speaker 3: 12:55

I'm a parent already. So I thought about having my own, but I'm getting old baby.

Speaker 1: 13:03

There's still hope. I mean, I'm the youngest of seven. Well, you can't be the youngest of seven, I'm the baby. I think my parents, they are the grandpapiers, those loaded boys about them. Covid, I've had conversations with my people. You know like I do and I always say you know what I mean Heavy on the shotgun. Babies, Grandkids are going to come. I don't know how soon my parents are older. You know what I mean, but I pray and hope that you know that it's not amazing. You know, like it's a shot of nothing dead on the body. That's great. I want a whole football team.

Speaker 2: 13:45

I love the babies. Last question, before we get out of here, though so when you're dating, if you decide to date someone, if she, when you date her, if she is, she don't have nothing going for her. Like she don't have money, she, you know how to just be about the money. Like, basically, if you're with her, you basically will be taking care of her and you can be doing everything in a relationship. Like she's just one of those like do this, do this. So you believe, like if you're at the bottom or you wouldn't be socked off for someone that's not where you are, I'm not coming. You got to be where I'm at or you ain't know, we get in the mud together. That's what I was supposed to make.

Speaker 1: 14:19

That's who I'm holding this match to try, and you know like she's working towards it. Because every day I get up, get to you situations. I've been in situations where I felt like I had to be the backbone and I had to be like the, the, the caregiver and the caregiver and the relationship. That is not a good feeling. Constantly pouring this to somebody else and you're not your cup, this isn't. You know what I mean. It's not a great feeling at all. It's not.

Speaker 1: 14:47

I feel like I give, I, I get a little leniency. I just got to see the effort there. I don't see any effort there. I don't expect, like I think you asked a question where, like, do they have to be right then with you? You know, depending on what you do, you know you might be here, your partner might be here. You know what I mean. But you know a balance, it has to be balanced. That's just the main thing for me as a tourist. I would love for a woman to just meet me there emotionally. You know everything don't have to be financially. You know what I mean. But you gotta pour it into my cup. That was the wake-up call, like you know, like I had to really, like it was really, it was really hard. It was really hard on me mentally waking up in the morning and she's still asleep, and you calling and she's still asleep.

Speaker 3: 15:36

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 15:40

Like I didn't do something, Something. I'm not coming at it as a cis mentality, but just, you know, meet me half fucking way. You know, that's all I ask for. You know, and I feel like a lot of women come in that situation and get with a masculine woman with a cis mentality. We are not men. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 16:01

I truly believe in 50-50 too. Or if your partner don't have a 50, you know what I mean. Or if they a little off from like a hundred or some shit. You know like we can make it work, like I had a conversation with my friend, like if my salary is this and like my, my partner's salary five or ten k less, who's gonna pick up the little slack? You know what I mean by this, but this person's still contributing. Yeah, you know what I mean. So it's like I've dealt with that and I was stupid. You know, because sometimes tauraurus is like damn, like I love this woman, like I want to hold on to her because I see the beauty that she holds and she don't see it herself, and it becomes like soul crushing to you. Yeah, but I can't just constantly hear you, you know, telling me ah yeah, I can't do this. I can't do that, I can't do this, but when I first got with you, you had all these different hobbies yeah, all these different things that can be profitable.

Speaker 1: 16:55

You know what I'm saying. You can pick up that camera anytime you want, you know, and make some money. You got to also be able to market yourself. You can't be like.

Speaker 3: 17:03

I don't have a client base.

Speaker 1: 17:05

But you've been hosting nothing on social media. You got yourself out there. You know what I'm saying. So it's like it's bad. I feel like people got to get out of the victim mindset. Go to therapy.

Speaker 1: 17:20

I got a friend that I speak to and she constantly says that we're all doing the best that we can, especially in this moment in time. So that don't like to everyone, but you know what you know. You know you will know, deep down inside You're really like getting up every day. You're like, ok, like I did put my best foot forward today, you know, but you know everybody is doing the best that they can. Everybody is moving with the information that they have. You know what I mean. It's up to you whether you want to sit down to be knowledgeable or you want to be a sponge or soak up of things that you don't know about. You know what I mean. It's all up to you.

Speaker 1: 17:56

Brother, ball isn't real quick. That my sister, you know, shout out to you danny. That is like a second mother to me and I was like um, when I was a bit young I was like danny, like I pray for this, that this, why isn't thou working? She was like girl, because you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not praying to, to be able to hold and understand what you have and pray and keep it. You know what I mean and why. So you'd be like I want this, I want that, I want this, I want that. Nah, we gotta switch it up a bit. How can I hold on to this, how can I maintain it? And you know, like we gotta figure out how we can move. And also, I feel like, for, like for the masculine women, or just women in general, we need to. I feel like, if I can give people a recommendation, we're tapping to Bell Hooks, you know. Tapping to Audre Lorde, you know you will get some good lunch skills and all that good stuff in there.

Speaker 2: 18:45

Yeah, open up a book. Y'all had a lot to say. I know y'all didn't heard a Ear pull. Until next time, take care y'all.

Speaker 1: 18:58

You're the mix with the one and only Celebrity, dj Kornbread, aka the Empress. Hey, I'm the big man. This is the largest Fashion show of the podcast. Say I'm the biggest.